The Loser Babe, Is You *
Dec. 5th, 2007 06:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raloria* This the title of a Ricky Nelson song. The name of the song just popped into my head today and seemed to describe perfectly how I felt...like a loser. If you're interested, here are the lyrics.
It's been a long day and now it's time to decompress and vent. Today had its good moments and its bad and I need to talk about both. I rarely spend this much LJ space talking about my personal life, but with the day I had I think it's warranted. This is liable to be long, so only read if you're really interested.
Where to begin? The beginning you say? Okay...that would actually start last night with me staying up late working on my group project for my online class. The group project that started out with 6 people and eventually was reduced to 3 (that's including me). I kind of became the appointed leader from day one (maybe because I was the oldest person in the class? Who knows?) and I began trying to get everyone organized. People checked in and we chose our topic and then our discussion board went silent for around 2 weeks! Suddenly it was scramble time. So I again tried to get people involved. It worked with 2 of them, but the others either never responded or tried only once. Anyway, try as I might, there wasn't much communication, which in a group project is crucial. Meanwhile, I kept making posts to keep everyone on track and let them know what I was going to do and when. Ultimately, the 2 other members typed up their papers before I even started mine and I was still waiting for one more guy who said he was trying to do his part. So there I was last night, trying to work on my own piece (and coming to the realization of how tough our topic really was) and keeping an eye for this other guy to chime in. Meanwhile, I was also arranging to meet with a former instructor of mine who needed to approve my graduation requirements. He was only going to be in his office at 11:30 this morning. I live 20 miles away from the college, so that meant an early wake up time for me. I'm not a morning person for those of you who don't know. So I was going to get up at 9:00.
I only got less than 3 hours of sleep (nothing new for me really) and rushed to the college this morning to meet with the instructor. Good news - he approved my graduation requirements. More good news - he's gathering people (mostly former students) to do a film possibly early in the spring! He said he'd love to have me involved! Awesome! 'Cause I need more work for my portfolio, which is mighty sparse. Plus, I'd be on a film set/production, which I LOVE!!!!! My favorite place to be! *iz excited* He also gave me contact info. of a former student of the program who apparently has quite a network of people in the film community around here. So he said I should get in contact with her and say he recommended me and she could probably hook me up to people that would lead to jobs for me! Yay! My grandmother always said "It's not what you know, but who you know". I'm sure she didn't invent that saying, but it's very true all the same. So that kind of news had me very happy...
Then he dropped the bombshell. A little background info. first. This instructor knows MG. MG, for those who don't know, is the guy in the college's film program who I've been in classes with for over 2 years now. We know each other pretty well, but sort of lost touch over the summer after our last project together. He's a great guy and has flirted with me off and on over the 2 years. Recently, I've begun to have more serious feelings for him. Thinking about him all the time, etc. I've tried to get in contact with him a couple of times over the past few months but didn't have any luck. So the instructor brings up MG's name and says how difficult it is to contact him. Then he says it..."but then, he's in love, so what are you going to do?". My heart just about fell into my stomach, but I projected nothing. I left his office very torn. I'd just gotten some great news job-wise and some devastating personal news. Meanwhile, I only had a few hours to finish the group project before my Philosophy class at 3:00.
So I went to the computer lab and got to work. I got my piece done (got my 500 words, Trys!) and finally heard from the mystery student. He just wasn't going to make it, so I was forced to remove him from the project. I finished the website we had to set up with our typed articles and posted it. Meanwhile 3:00 had come and gone and I was starving! So...lunch. Easier said than done. There are some vending machines in the computer building. I saw those little tuna fish and cracker kits and decided to get 2 of them.
Life Lesson # 531: When you buy things from a vending machine, always retrieve them individually.
I put in my money (a dollar each!), bought them, they fell to the bottom, and I reached in to get my food. Problem: the one kit was on top of the other one and keeping me from opening the door!!! I could just barely get my fingers through to touch the kit, but as I was reaching sometimes my fingers would get smashed by the pressure on the door. So here I am...tired, stressed, emotionally wrecked, and starving and this friggin' machine won't give me my food!!!!!! I started banging the door to try and budge it loose - didn't work. I kept reaching inside and managed after a lot of work to move it over enough to where I could get the bottom kit out and then the problem one (which was half smashed). Bought a bottle of water - another dollar! Ate my lunch with a red and sore hand and had lots of time to think over the day's events so far. Not a good thing for me at all. Got kind of depressed. Started to kick myself over not pursuing MG sooner. I always wait with things like this and then miss out. Looked at the time and it was almost 4:30! My Philosophy class was already over half over. I really didn't want to come in that late because I'd be totally lost, so I decided to turn over my graduation info. to the Evaluations Office.
Met with the gal there and naturally, there's still some confusion and problems. *sigh* She had a meeting to go to and said she'd look into it later and let me know. She told me she's sure that the problem can be resolved though, it's just how to do it that will work. So I'm still waiting to find out if I'm clear to graduate after this quarter. Bah!
The rest of the (now) evening is relatively boring. Got to class and most people were already gone. Found out what I missed, what the extra credit is ('cause boy, do I need that!), and then gathered with 3 other students for a quick study session. Oh, and I forgot to mention...I wore the wrong outfit today (a long sleeved shirt when I should've worn a sweater) and it's kinda cold (in the 40s). So when I go from building to building on the campus I just freeze! Brrrrr! And it makes my sore hand hurt. :(
I know that info. about MG is gonna hit me harder later on. I just didn't have time to deal with it today. It still hurts though. Maybe it's my fate to remain alone? No guy has ever shown any interest in me before MG came into my life. Don't see how that will ever change. I gotta stop before I really depress myself again. I'm good at that.
So there's my sucky day. It's been a doozy. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.
*hugs flist* Hope your day went better than mine.
It's been a long day and now it's time to decompress and vent. Today had its good moments and its bad and I need to talk about both. I rarely spend this much LJ space talking about my personal life, but with the day I had I think it's warranted. This is liable to be long, so only read if you're really interested.
Where to begin? The beginning you say? Okay...that would actually start last night with me staying up late working on my group project for my online class. The group project that started out with 6 people and eventually was reduced to 3 (that's including me). I kind of became the appointed leader from day one (maybe because I was the oldest person in the class? Who knows?) and I began trying to get everyone organized. People checked in and we chose our topic and then our discussion board went silent for around 2 weeks! Suddenly it was scramble time. So I again tried to get people involved. It worked with 2 of them, but the others either never responded or tried only once. Anyway, try as I might, there wasn't much communication, which in a group project is crucial. Meanwhile, I kept making posts to keep everyone on track and let them know what I was going to do and when. Ultimately, the 2 other members typed up their papers before I even started mine and I was still waiting for one more guy who said he was trying to do his part. So there I was last night, trying to work on my own piece (and coming to the realization of how tough our topic really was) and keeping an eye for this other guy to chime in. Meanwhile, I was also arranging to meet with a former instructor of mine who needed to approve my graduation requirements. He was only going to be in his office at 11:30 this morning. I live 20 miles away from the college, so that meant an early wake up time for me. I'm not a morning person for those of you who don't know. So I was going to get up at 9:00.
I only got less than 3 hours of sleep (nothing new for me really) and rushed to the college this morning to meet with the instructor. Good news - he approved my graduation requirements. More good news - he's gathering people (mostly former students) to do a film possibly early in the spring! He said he'd love to have me involved! Awesome! 'Cause I need more work for my portfolio, which is mighty sparse. Plus, I'd be on a film set/production, which I LOVE!!!!! My favorite place to be! *iz excited* He also gave me contact info. of a former student of the program who apparently has quite a network of people in the film community around here. So he said I should get in contact with her and say he recommended me and she could probably hook me up to people that would lead to jobs for me! Yay! My grandmother always said "It's not what you know, but who you know". I'm sure she didn't invent that saying, but it's very true all the same. So that kind of news had me very happy...
Then he dropped the bombshell. A little background info. first. This instructor knows MG. MG, for those who don't know, is the guy in the college's film program who I've been in classes with for over 2 years now. We know each other pretty well, but sort of lost touch over the summer after our last project together. He's a great guy and has flirted with me off and on over the 2 years. Recently, I've begun to have more serious feelings for him. Thinking about him all the time, etc. I've tried to get in contact with him a couple of times over the past few months but didn't have any luck. So the instructor brings up MG's name and says how difficult it is to contact him. Then he says it..."but then, he's in love, so what are you going to do?". My heart just about fell into my stomach, but I projected nothing. I left his office very torn. I'd just gotten some great news job-wise and some devastating personal news. Meanwhile, I only had a few hours to finish the group project before my Philosophy class at 3:00.
So I went to the computer lab and got to work. I got my piece done (got my 500 words, Trys!) and finally heard from the mystery student. He just wasn't going to make it, so I was forced to remove him from the project. I finished the website we had to set up with our typed articles and posted it. Meanwhile 3:00 had come and gone and I was starving! So...lunch. Easier said than done. There are some vending machines in the computer building. I saw those little tuna fish and cracker kits and decided to get 2 of them.
Life Lesson # 531: When you buy things from a vending machine, always retrieve them individually.
I put in my money (a dollar each!), bought them, they fell to the bottom, and I reached in to get my food. Problem: the one kit was on top of the other one and keeping me from opening the door!!! I could just barely get my fingers through to touch the kit, but as I was reaching sometimes my fingers would get smashed by the pressure on the door. So here I am...tired, stressed, emotionally wrecked, and starving and this friggin' machine won't give me my food!!!!!! I started banging the door to try and budge it loose - didn't work. I kept reaching inside and managed after a lot of work to move it over enough to where I could get the bottom kit out and then the problem one (which was half smashed). Bought a bottle of water - another dollar! Ate my lunch with a red and sore hand and had lots of time to think over the day's events so far. Not a good thing for me at all. Got kind of depressed. Started to kick myself over not pursuing MG sooner. I always wait with things like this and then miss out. Looked at the time and it was almost 4:30! My Philosophy class was already over half over. I really didn't want to come in that late because I'd be totally lost, so I decided to turn over my graduation info. to the Evaluations Office.
Met with the gal there and naturally, there's still some confusion and problems. *sigh* She had a meeting to go to and said she'd look into it later and let me know. She told me she's sure that the problem can be resolved though, it's just how to do it that will work. So I'm still waiting to find out if I'm clear to graduate after this quarter. Bah!
The rest of the (now) evening is relatively boring. Got to class and most people were already gone. Found out what I missed, what the extra credit is ('cause boy, do I need that!), and then gathered with 3 other students for a quick study session. Oh, and I forgot to mention...I wore the wrong outfit today (a long sleeved shirt when I should've worn a sweater) and it's kinda cold (in the 40s). So when I go from building to building on the campus I just freeze! Brrrrr! And it makes my sore hand hurt. :(
I know that info. about MG is gonna hit me harder later on. I just didn't have time to deal with it today. It still hurts though. Maybe it's my fate to remain alone? No guy has ever shown any interest in me before MG came into my life. Don't see how that will ever change. I gotta stop before I really depress myself again. I'm good at that.
So there's my sucky day. It's been a doozy. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.
*hugs flist* Hope your day went better than mine.
