Perfectionism is my middle name

[raloria]

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a perfectionist. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. Being artistically inclined (yep, I can draw) didn't help matters. I'm almost never happy with my own work and obsessively try to improve my techniques. There have been times I've failed to even touch pencil to paper because I already knew what I could see in my head wasn't going to be what I ended up with. So I wouldn't even begin. Would never even make an attempt.

A couple of years ago I started drawing in ink. It was a turning point for me. It forced me to be bold and more daring. Since I couldn't erase anything, I stopped caring so much about making mistakes. I was slowly starting to make progress and I was drawing again after a long 10-15 year drought.

However, I've now moved my obsessive perfectionism over to my screencapping. I look at the caps of others on LJ and they're not only bigger than mine, but very detailed (without being grainy) and sharp. What is their secret? I've got numerous programs to capture at my disposal and plenty of image editing software as well. Yet I still can't attain that level of detail and image quality. So I keep trying and tweaking settings. I use different programs and combinations of programs. I cap episodes of SPN, think they're good, then realize they're not, and then re-cap them using different techniques. Always, always I'm trying to improve.

Of course, part of my brain is telling me I've lost it and that I'm obsessing about something that isn't that important. I know this. Yep...I've got issues. I'm screwed up and obsessive, but I can't seem to stop it no matter what I do. I see those other caps and turn green with envy. Maybe I'm trying to attain something that I'll never have. I've been told that perfectionism is good for filmmakers/artistic types. If so, then I'm an overachiever. lol

I'm not really expecting much here. I know these are my own twisted issues that I need to deal with. It's not anything anyone else can help me with. Most of the time I can ignore my perfectionist tendencies, but then there are days like today. *sigh* I just spent hours capping 3.10....again. I tried different settings, a new media player....ended up with some 200 caps. I'm still not satisfied with the results. *facepalm*