Back to myself
Nov. 7th, 2014 04:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raloriaSorry things went kinda dark around here for the past couple of days.
Without going into too much detail...I was in a bad headspace for Wednesday and most of Thursday. I mean the negative talk was running rampant big time and it was pretty scary. I even went on Twitter about it, which I never do. I never talk about such personal problems publicly like that, but for some reason I needed an outlet and Twitter was easy and handy.
So I'm making this post public because, well...I guess it's out there now anyway. And I hope I don't regret making this post because this is not an easy thing for me to talk about, nor is this a new problem to those who've been on my Flist for a while.
Sorry if I scared anyone over on Twitter. Yes, the suicidal thoughts were there, the ideas were there, but as usual, I didn't follow through. It was tempting though, just not strong enough.
I won't go into what set this off because I'm not totally sure, but I believe I am better now. I feel better anyway. I guess eating candy bars and watching some inspiring videos on youtube (along w/some J2 con videos) helped some. As bad as this spell was and whatever you want to call it (depression, a blue funk) I'm just grateful that I came out of it because when I'm in that place, it's bad. Like I-can't-see-anyway-past-this bad. So I'm thankful the veil has lifted, so to speak, and I'm out on the other side because I don't like being in that place, but I can't simply climb out of it either.
As for LJ, I'm still going to take it easy today and just do the Just 'Cause post and get back on track next week. After all...I've got more caps to post, darn it! There's 2 sets all done and waiting in the wings.
So I'm sorry for being such a downer. I know most of you are used to me being all upbeat and positive, so this might have some of you hitting the de-friend button. If so, I totally understand. Most of the time I'm okay, but every now and then I'm...so very not. I try not to let it leak onto my online life, though. So I apologize for that.
Thank you for the kind comments on the Just 'Cause post yesterday. They meant a lot. *hugs*
Without going into too much detail...I was in a bad headspace for Wednesday and most of Thursday. I mean the negative talk was running rampant big time and it was pretty scary. I even went on Twitter about it, which I never do. I never talk about such personal problems publicly like that, but for some reason I needed an outlet and Twitter was easy and handy.
So I'm making this post public because, well...I guess it's out there now anyway. And I hope I don't regret making this post because this is not an easy thing for me to talk about, nor is this a new problem to those who've been on my Flist for a while.
Sorry if I scared anyone over on Twitter. Yes, the suicidal thoughts were there, the ideas were there, but as usual, I didn't follow through. It was tempting though, just not strong enough.
I won't go into what set this off because I'm not totally sure, but I believe I am better now. I feel better anyway. I guess eating candy bars and watching some inspiring videos on youtube (along w/some J2 con videos) helped some. As bad as this spell was and whatever you want to call it (depression, a blue funk) I'm just grateful that I came out of it because when I'm in that place, it's bad. Like I-can't-see-anyway-past-this bad. So I'm thankful the veil has lifted, so to speak, and I'm out on the other side because I don't like being in that place, but I can't simply climb out of it either.
As for LJ, I'm still going to take it easy today and just do the Just 'Cause post and get back on track next week. After all...I've got more caps to post, darn it! There's 2 sets all done and waiting in the wings.
So I'm sorry for being such a downer. I know most of you are used to me being all upbeat and positive, so this might have some of you hitting the de-friend button. If so, I totally understand. Most of the time I'm okay, but every now and then I'm...so very not. I try not to let it leak onto my online life, though. So I apologize for that.
Thank you for the kind comments on the Just 'Cause post yesterday. They meant a lot. *hugs*
