Let the self-berrating commence
Dec. 8th, 2008 07:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raloriaOkay, I royally suck and I know it.
I've done nothing Christmas-y for you guys like I did last year with all my song postings and now I'm wondering, with only 17 days left, if there's any point in doing it again.
And I know I haven't done a Christmas card post with my address and such. Again...suckage. I prefer to do E-cards, which again I haven't posted about yet. But then how lame is that...E-cards. Who does that?
I haven't done any Christmas decorating in the house yet....suckage. I wanted everything up last week, which I failed to do. Hoping I can get the lights up in the windows tomorrow anyway. We still have to look into our Xmas tree lights. They quit working last year, just on the top part of the tree. I suspect we'll have to take that string off and put a new set on. Oh goody.
Then there's that project with my film production photos. I keep putting it off, but I know I've gotta get started on them soon. The director's given me 3 weeks. But I also know he's eager. But describing over 1,500 photos and fixing up the dark ones? Not an easy task. Guess I'm a victim of my own success.
Then there's the Christmas letter to write, stuff around the house that needs to be done, and endless LJ comments that need to be taken care of. I'm still kicking myself that I never got back to the oldest comments. There's ones way back in April that need to be done! I keep thinking maybe I'll make some time and do some, but it never happens. And it takes sooooooo much time. I love the comments, I do! But there's so many now that it's this massive weight on me and I want to reply back, but....how on earth can I ever catch up now???
Almost 2 days away from LJ and I'm feeling very stressed out. I did all that posting last week, which made me feel great, but now I feel like I've done nothing these 2 days and let everyone down. Since posting my last SPN Revealed on Friday I've been friended by about 6 to 8 people, which is great and I'm honored they like my journal and my posts, but at the same time I'm feeling more pressure to post things, to post more often. I've had this problem for a long time, of course....the feeling that I need to keep posting things because I've got all of you as my "audience" who want the goodies I give out. But I'm wondering if I've set a standard that I can maintain anymore. I don't want to stop posting goodies, but at the same time I feel that if I let too much time go by that I'll lose people. It's an endless battle and it doesn't help that I put so much pressure on myself to keep things going. Make caps, fix caps, post caps, make fanart, make icons, write fanfic, etc. etc. etc. I make a post just to have the next one waiting in the wings or waiting to be started. The cycle never ends.
Again....this isn't about you. It's me, my own failings. I'm a perfectionist who is trying to please everyone. Unattainable, I know, but that's who I am. The pressure to do the best is always there. I was never quite good enough in school (public or college) to win any accolades or contests. I always fell short of the mark. I was good, but not good enough. So the battle to be good enough continues with everything I do online. *sigh*
This is going to be another post I'll regret in a few hours. It's like one big pity party. How pathetic. I've been doing a lot of these lately and I apologize. I'll try to improve next year. Or at least keep my mouth shut.
Maybe this is just lack of sleep and post-filming stress talking. Hard to say. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. Thanks for listening to my self-rants if you read this far.
I've done nothing Christmas-y for you guys like I did last year with all my song postings and now I'm wondering, with only 17 days left, if there's any point in doing it again.
And I know I haven't done a Christmas card post with my address and such. Again...suckage. I prefer to do E-cards, which again I haven't posted about yet. But then how lame is that...E-cards. Who does that?
I haven't done any Christmas decorating in the house yet....suckage. I wanted everything up last week, which I failed to do. Hoping I can get the lights up in the windows tomorrow anyway. We still have to look into our Xmas tree lights. They quit working last year, just on the top part of the tree. I suspect we'll have to take that string off and put a new set on. Oh goody.
Then there's that project with my film production photos. I keep putting it off, but I know I've gotta get started on them soon. The director's given me 3 weeks. But I also know he's eager. But describing over 1,500 photos and fixing up the dark ones? Not an easy task. Guess I'm a victim of my own success.
Then there's the Christmas letter to write, stuff around the house that needs to be done, and endless LJ comments that need to be taken care of. I'm still kicking myself that I never got back to the oldest comments. There's ones way back in April that need to be done! I keep thinking maybe I'll make some time and do some, but it never happens. And it takes sooooooo much time. I love the comments, I do! But there's so many now that it's this massive weight on me and I want to reply back, but....how on earth can I ever catch up now???
Almost 2 days away from LJ and I'm feeling very stressed out. I did all that posting last week, which made me feel great, but now I feel like I've done nothing these 2 days and let everyone down. Since posting my last SPN Revealed on Friday I've been friended by about 6 to 8 people, which is great and I'm honored they like my journal and my posts, but at the same time I'm feeling more pressure to post things, to post more often. I've had this problem for a long time, of course....the feeling that I need to keep posting things because I've got all of you as my "audience" who want the goodies I give out. But I'm wondering if I've set a standard that I can maintain anymore. I don't want to stop posting goodies, but at the same time I feel that if I let too much time go by that I'll lose people. It's an endless battle and it doesn't help that I put so much pressure on myself to keep things going. Make caps, fix caps, post caps, make fanart, make icons, write fanfic, etc. etc. etc. I make a post just to have the next one waiting in the wings or waiting to be started. The cycle never ends.
Again....this isn't about you. It's me, my own failings. I'm a perfectionist who is trying to please everyone. Unattainable, I know, but that's who I am. The pressure to do the best is always there. I was never quite good enough in school (public or college) to win any accolades or contests. I always fell short of the mark. I was good, but not good enough. So the battle to be good enough continues with everything I do online. *sigh*
This is going to be another post I'll regret in a few hours. It's like one big pity party. How pathetic. I've been doing a lot of these lately and I apologize. I'll try to improve next year. Or at least keep my mouth shut.
Maybe this is just lack of sleep and post-filming stress talking. Hard to say. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. Thanks for listening to my self-rants if you read this far.
