It's Over

[raloria]

My uncle passed away at the hospital yesterday afternoon.

We got a phone call early Friday morning that he wasn't doing well and we all met at the hospital again. Even after the amputation of his legs on Thursday, the poisons from the decaying tissue had effected his other organs. His kidneys were failing and they tried dialysis, but he wasn't responding to the treatment. We spent an interminable amount of the day waiting and hoping, but by the afternoon he was gone.

We're all stunned as is the medical staff who worked on him at the hospital. They told us repeatedly that they couldn't believe how quickly he deteriorated. We know they tried everything they could, but perhaps the loss of both his legs was too much of a shock to his system. But at the same time, if nothing had been done, he would have surely died. I never actually saw my uncle today and at the end I couldn't even bring myself to enter his room with the rest of the family. It was too painful and reminded me of my dad's death. So while I was trying to comfort my aunt and cousins, they were comforting me as well. These 3 days have really hit too close to home for me (and my mom as well). I kept telling myself I can't be going through this again. Three years and my uncle dies in the same month as my dad. It's unreal.

I truly feel for my two cousins (both older than me, btw) who are now going through what I went through 3 years ago. I know the difficult road they have ahead of them. The next few days are going to be full of preparations and planning and making sure my aunt is cared for and not alone too much.

It might be wicked to say, but I can't help but think that his passing was a blessing. The drastic lifestyle changes and struggles of living without his legs would have been huge for both my uncle and my aunt. As much as we were all planning for the future only yesterday, that path would have been very long and hard. I'm sure I'm not explaining this properly, but hopefully the idea is there. His death is a great loss to us all, but in their advanced aged and health problems, the two of them living with his amputations? It seems overwhelming in the extreme.

Sorry for the rambling, but again, I'm tired. These 3 days have been exhausting for us all. As we always do in a crisis, we've all gathered as a family (me, mom, my aunt, cousin R, cousin K and her husband, and my grandpa) and we'll get through these next few days and beyond.

*** I want to thank you all again for your hugs and good wishes for me and my family. I can't respond to your comments individually, but want you to know that I truly appreciate them all. ***