The Blues In The Night
Feb. 16th, 2009 02:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raloriaThis was a rough, slightly sucky weekend.
Spent Friday evening going to visit my cousin K & her husband in Seattle with my mom, aunt, & uncle. Had a good time, even if it was only for a few hours. We talked and played with their two kitties. The only irritating part was whenever I wanted to talk about what I'd been doing, everyone kept talking over me or going on about the cats and whatnot. So I just kept going. But now it bothers me. Everyone else got to talk without competition. Am I really that boring to my relatives? But it's not the first time this has happened. I've always been the quiet wallflower in the family. I love my relatives, but I often wonder if they'd even miss me if I was gone.
Saturday, mom & I spent doing the errands & shopping we would have done Friday. It was a long and exhausting afternoon & evening, running around from one end of our shopping range to the other. By the time we were near the end I had a headache, which took hours to get rid of. Got online to find out a mutual friend had cut me. Real nice....and on Valentine's Day, too.
Then Sunday, all I wanted to do was sleep. Took me forever to get up and dressed and started with anything. Then I just fell asleep again. Got defriended again. Is this a sign? I'm not posting enough? I know I've been a little busy with this damned photo project, which has developed a snag and will probably go on a while longer, but I'm still posting stuff every day. I don't know....it all ganged up on me and I did my whole beating-myself-up-internally-and-emotionally thing that I tend to fall into at times like these. Broke down entirely and cried for about an hour, having myself a grand pity party. I almost posted something then, but I figured people would be sick of listening to my whining, so I resisted.
But now you know why I still haven't gotten back to replying to your latest comments yet. I don't have it in me right now. I can't answer and be my usual happy, cheerful self when I feel anything but that. This should be a good week for me, a happy week, but it's sure not starting out that way. I know I'm going to regret this post. I'm even sick of me complaining about things that seem so minor. I feel like this big, whiny crybaby that doesn't deserve anyone's sympathy. So I'm staying away from the latest love memes. I feel unworthy. I know you're all going to argue against me on that, but it's the way I'm feeling right now. I'm really good at pounding myself into the ground like that and I do a thorough job when I do. I'm brutal. I'm sure I'll feel fine in a day or two...hopefully by tomorrow....well, later today.
I've debated for hours about even typing out this post, but I guess I'm hoping I'll feel better after telling all of you about it. Sometimes it helps. I'm not looking for sympathy here. I know these are my own silly, emotional issues. I make it habit of letting things build up until I can't take them anymore. Then I have a big, emotional breakdown. Those of you who've been on my Friends List for a while will maybe recognize the pattern. To those who are new around here....this is who I am. Any of you are free to defriend me if you feel this is too much for you. I'm not always this depressed, but I have my moments.
Don't feel the need to comment. I'm keeping commenting open on this post only because I really don't like turning them off and have already done so twice yesterday. It's not a habit I want to fall into and I feel everyone likes to have their voices heard, so this way you have that choice.
Spent Friday evening going to visit my cousin K & her husband in Seattle with my mom, aunt, & uncle. Had a good time, even if it was only for a few hours. We talked and played with their two kitties. The only irritating part was whenever I wanted to talk about what I'd been doing, everyone kept talking over me or going on about the cats and whatnot. So I just kept going. But now it bothers me. Everyone else got to talk without competition. Am I really that boring to my relatives? But it's not the first time this has happened. I've always been the quiet wallflower in the family. I love my relatives, but I often wonder if they'd even miss me if I was gone.
Saturday, mom & I spent doing the errands & shopping we would have done Friday. It was a long and exhausting afternoon & evening, running around from one end of our shopping range to the other. By the time we were near the end I had a headache, which took hours to get rid of. Got online to find out a mutual friend had cut me. Real nice....and on Valentine's Day, too.
Then Sunday, all I wanted to do was sleep. Took me forever to get up and dressed and started with anything. Then I just fell asleep again. Got defriended again. Is this a sign? I'm not posting enough? I know I've been a little busy with this damned photo project, which has developed a snag and will probably go on a while longer, but I'm still posting stuff every day. I don't know....it all ganged up on me and I did my whole beating-myself-up-internally-and-emotionally thing that I tend to fall into at times like these. Broke down entirely and cried for about an hour, having myself a grand pity party. I almost posted something then, but I figured people would be sick of listening to my whining, so I resisted.
But now you know why I still haven't gotten back to replying to your latest comments yet. I don't have it in me right now. I can't answer and be my usual happy, cheerful self when I feel anything but that. This should be a good week for me, a happy week, but it's sure not starting out that way. I know I'm going to regret this post. I'm even sick of me complaining about things that seem so minor. I feel like this big, whiny crybaby that doesn't deserve anyone's sympathy. So I'm staying away from the latest love memes. I feel unworthy. I know you're all going to argue against me on that, but it's the way I'm feeling right now. I'm really good at pounding myself into the ground like that and I do a thorough job when I do. I'm brutal. I'm sure I'll feel fine in a day or two...hopefully by tomorrow....well, later today.
I've debated for hours about even typing out this post, but I guess I'm hoping I'll feel better after telling all of you about it. Sometimes it helps. I'm not looking for sympathy here. I know these are my own silly, emotional issues. I make it habit of letting things build up until I can't take them anymore. Then I have a big, emotional breakdown. Those of you who've been on my Friends List for a while will maybe recognize the pattern. To those who are new around here....this is who I am. Any of you are free to defriend me if you feel this is too much for you. I'm not always this depressed, but I have my moments.
Don't feel the need to comment. I'm keeping commenting open on this post only because I really don't like turning them off and have already done so twice yesterday. It's not a habit I want to fall into and I feel everyone likes to have their voices heard, so this way you have that choice.
