raloria

Sorry there's no Just 'Cause post today, but Friday was not a good day/night for me.
If you follow me on Twitter, you saw the progression. Not pretty.
So many have reached out to me with support, but I haven't had it in me to reply yet.

It hit suddenly, overtook me, but I'm finally seeing some brightness. I don't know why.
These feelings hit and then leave so mysteriously.
I feel a little better, but I just don't have the energy to choose a cap to post.
I hope a good sleep will reset me.

I hope you all understand. ♥

Guess I've done something to piss people off again.

Yesterday's posts? Zero comments.
And people are suddenly defriending me out of the blue this week. Three so far.

I loved yesterday's Just 'Cause post. Worked on it in Ribbet to make it look as good as it possibly could.
I thought it looked beautiful, but I guess nobody else did. :(

I was going to do the Just 'Cause post for today, but then I figured "Why bother? The public has spoken - by not speaking." I even deleted the VanCon 2016 Video post.

So you'll get nothing else from me today besides this post.
I take it you want to see less posts from me, so I can certainly oblige.

And I'm sure some of you will say...but I don't reply to your comments. I want to, I do. But you try driving 100 miles every day, come home late, and see how much energy and motivation you have. I've been coming up empty.

I'm trying to work out a way to reply to comments earlier in the day, when I do have more energy. It's just been a crazy, lopsided week.

Sorry for being a disappointment.

The Seattle Seahawks were set to score, set to win the Super Bowl for the 2nd time in a row. We were soooo close! But a poor play and the Patriots intercepted the ball and it was over. Patriots won 28-24.

Stunned is an understatement. I can't believe they threw the ball instead of giving it to Lynch. Lynch, who'd they'd been using endlessly the entire game! Why, oh why didn't they do it when they needed to the most???

Bravo to the Patriots for a great game.
I'm heartbroken...as are all the 12s. We had it...victory was ours and now it's gone.

I still love the Seahawks, after all I've been a fan since I was a kid (Steve Largent FTW!), but this is a tough loss to take. We'll be back. I know Russell Wilson's already planning for next season. He's that kind of guy and a true champion. The team will want to erase this bitter loss, but it shouldn't have happened this way.

Please forgive my two earlier posts, which I've now deleted.

The poll post was made in a rush, while other things were distracting me and what I was trying to say wasn't expressed properly. Then I got upset when people understandably misunderstood what I stated.

For the record: I enjoy capping and I enjoy sharing them. I may not enjoy some of the processes that fall in between capping and posting the caps to all of you (the Sorting & Deleting is especially trying), but that's the way things go. I do it all anyway because I know people use and enjoy the caps and I use and enjoy them myself.

Here's all the steps I do in order to post SPN caps here on LJ (for those who may not know):

1. Cap the episode (this usually takes anywhere from 3 to 4 hours - sometimes even 5 - because I grab all caps by hand).
2. Sort & Delete (I sort through the caps and delete ones that are blurry or otherwise not very good).
3. Fix (I fix the caps using software which does it all in one batch once I have the settings I want).
4. Divide caps & zip into folders.
5. Upload zipped folders to file host.
6. Pull sample caps. (These are the ones I place in the post, usually as clickable thumbnails. They number from 10 - 50 in some cases.)
7. Make cap card for the post. (This is the image that put on the LJ post to make it more attractive and easy to spot.)
8. Upload sample caps & cap card to Photobucket.
9. Post cap card, sample caps, and links to zipped folders to LJ.

Limiting the number of sample caps that I post along with the zipped folders of all the caps would help, but I don't want to eliminate them if some people simply take the samples and that's it. I know many cappers who only post a few sample caps, but again...if some people can't take the zipped folders then I don't like to leave them without another option. All I wanted was people's opinion on the number of sample caps they would like...if I could cut it back to only a handful or if they wanted the same 10 - 50 clickable thumbnails that I've been doing.

I'm just trying to do what's right for everybody. *sigh* Which, of course, in reality is impossible.

I apologize to those I confused, hurt, or upset with my comments and my outburst post.

I clearly shouldn't have posted anything today in the state I'm in.

I did something really stupid last night. I acted on impulse instead of using my head. Instead of simply letting something go I kept going at it and now I'm paying the price.

And today, with a full night of reflection, I feel bad about it.

However, when I tried to apologize to the person she blocked me from leaving her a message (which I guess I really don't blame her for). I wasn't seeking forgiveness, I simply wanted to explain my poor judgement and actions towards her and say I was sorry.

Guess that won't be happening now.

Not sure how many people will even read this, today being Sunday but whatever...

( Emoness and Friends Cut news... )

What a night. Like I said on the JC post, I'm feeling a little wrung out right now. Hours of talking with one of my older cousins into the wee hours of morning can do that, I guess. Quite the emotional rollercoaster we 3 (me, mom, and him) went on. At one point I was literally shaking with emotions and anxiety.

I'm spent. The sun is up and I've gotta get some sleep. Hope I can calm down and get some. I'm still all tense/shaking inside. Hate feeling like this. :(

Friday was my aunt's funeral.

Thursday we went to the viewing. I usually dread viewings, but I dunno...it was easier this time. I think I'm getting used to seeing my loved ones dead.

The weather was cold, but thankfully not rainy for the funeral. It was a nice service and there was a group of around 20 people who came to remember my aunt. We than all gathered at the funeral home for refreshments and cake and cookies.

Then the bad part happened.

I won't go into it here except to say that having a "family meeting" on the day you bury a loved one is a bad idea. There's a lot of stress and emotions are high. Nobody's thinking clearly. What ensued never should've happened. What should've been a time of comforting each other and sharing memories turned into a massive blow-up and hurt feelings. It was horrible and all mom & I could do was sit there and listen and be in shock over it all. I just...I don't even know what's going to happen next and I'm heartbroken. I just don't want to think about it anymore right now.

We missed watching SPN and I'm currently getting a download.
Not sure when I'll feel up to watching it. Certainly not tonight.

All I really wanna do now is go to bed and sleep.
I think I'll just do the Just 'Cause post and call it a night.

I can't believe this!

Picnik is the wonderful online image editor I've been using for several years to fix my Just 'Cause caps, make fanart, headers, icons, and more.

Take heed! Picnik is closing this April!

Picnik is moving its easy yet powerful photo editing tools to Google+. But Picnik doesn't end until our last day of April 19, 2012.

So in the meantime enjoy all of the Picnik features, including Picnik Premium, for free!

More explanation on Picnik's Blog.


This is horrible! I love Picnik! I paid for Picnik! How can they just take it away from me???
I don't have Google+! What do I do now???? *cries*

I'm already an emotional mess right at the moment, so I might as well get all this out now. Maybe then I'll feel better...or I'll feel worse about myself than I do right now. Either way it's gotta be better than keeping it all bottled up like I have.

Yeah, the similarities between me and Dean are downright scary.

( Read about my emo self...if you dare )