Just 'Cause

Okay, you should know the drill by now. This is another test for my future challenge. The episode is identified in the filename, but try and guess what it is without looking first. ;) Remember, this is from S1.
What episode is this cap from?
I've been thoroughly enjoying watching old clips on YouTube of Jensen on DOOL. You get to noticing the same mannerisms in all his characters over the years. It's sweet. Have a good Wednesday! *hugs* :D

Guess I should take the hint

Nothing like a mutual friend cutting you to get the day off to a sucky start. :(

Okay, so we weren't buddy-buddies, but still....we'd been on each other's friends lists for a long time. I thought everything was cool. Guess not. This hurts. And as I always do in this sort of thing, I've convinced myself that it's my fault.

There was no warning, no announcement of doing a cut, no explanation.

I know...

- I suck at commenting on people's journals.
- I'm not close to most of my flist.
- I'm shy and apparently not out-going enough for LJ.
- People find me elusive.
- People find me intimidating & threatening.

So if anyone else wants to defriend me, don't be shy about it....now's your chance. Let's start off the new month with a mass exodus of everyone who thinks I suck. Don't want anyone to think I'm keeping you here against your will. If you wanna jump ship, jump.

Feel free to defriend me and I will return the favor (if we're mutual friends).

My heart on my sleeve for anyone to hurt

How can one defriending send me into such a tailspin?

I had plans for today. I've got this huge to-do list (12 LJ posts to get done) and instead I'm depressed and don't feel like doing anything. I took a nap and I still don't feel better. It's a beautiful, sunny summer day outside, but there might as well be a dark cloud over my head.

Although I won't name who defriended me, I will say that she's quite beloved by people on LJ and in the SPN fandom, which I guess is why this hurts so much. Her defriending was so random, so out of the blue...it feels like getting knifed in the back. Half of her flist is on my flist, yet somehow I didn't measure up.

Proof of how upset I am? I've considered deleting my LJ.

I'm turning off comments because I simply can't deal with replying back right now.
I thank you for your concern.

A little more info. on being cut

With more investigation, I've come to learn I was the victim of "a small friends cut". Peachy. So I was one of the unfortunate few. Presumably because I post too much. She was cutting back, after all.

I'm getting angry about it now. She even used that old line of it being "nothing personal". Sure. It's not personal to her! A whole different matter to the person being cut!

I wanted to leave her a scathing comment, a PM, something. But instead I'm venting my frustrations here in my own journal. So I chickened out.

I've been dealing with my depression by making icons. I always turn to fanart when I'm upset.

*sigh* I dunno. I'm not just going to get over this one. I'm going to cringe every time I see her username somewhere. And of course, so many of you are friends with her, so it's not going to be easy.

I hate being this upset, of losing a whole day to this, of letting it get to me so much. At the same time, I can't quickly turn off my emotions or change the way I feel either.

I guess I get too attached to people.